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Frequently Asked Questions
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Question: Are you suggesting that gay men are better than others?

Answer: In answer to this question, I would ask: Is a tulip better than a rose? Is a mother better than a father? Is an athlete better than a musician?

In patriarchy, we tend to assume that when two things are different, one is better and the other worse, one dominant and the other subordinate. This kind of thinking has created many of the world's problems. It pits one against the other and prevents us from appreciating difference. This book, and the approach it takes, presents a New Way Forward. It invites us to embrace the paradox of having special gifts while being equal to all others.

Question: Do other men have some of these same gifts?

Answer: I would ask--and defer to--other men to answer this question. With that said, I think some heterosexual and bisexual men possess some of these gifts, especially men who do not fit into typical male gender norms, and/or those who have consciously eschewed those norms. If we look at heterosexual and bisexual men as a whole, however, we would not see this constellation of gifts as characteristic or typical.

Question: What about gay men’s shortcomings? Gay men can treat each other terribly.

Answer: It is too easy to levy critique against other gay men. We do this reflexively and to such an extent that we often fail to consider what is right about gay men. Loving ourselves is the hard work. One chapter in the book—Owning and Managing the Shadow—takes an honest look at our individual and collective responsibility to each other, and how we can do better. I believe that when we honor all of who we are, we will much more readily see the good in each other.

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All contents copyright © 2019 Raymond L. Rigoglioso.
Raymond L. Rigoglioso
Founder and 
Executive Director
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